Kitchen (Bitch) Tips

I thought the following tips might be useful to the homecooks out there:


1. You can roast a chicken vertically on a tube pan..like the innards of a bundt cake pan, know what I mean? You could probably use a bundt pan too..but only if it was a skinny-legged chicken.

2. I am not a baker, but I read that if you want your cakes to look all luminous, smooth and shiny after you frost them, turn your hair dryer on hot and blow the damned thing for awhile...and make sure your cat isn't in the way. No to the mohair frosting.

3. After breading something, and before frying it, let it sit on a cooling rack for about 10 minutes. This will keep the breading from falling off. I do this before I fry breaded chicken and it works great.

4. Instead of sticking toothpicks into whore derves, why not use thin pretzel sticks? Hey, save a tree.

5. Who doesn't love deviled eggs? Well, after you make a shitload of them for a party..you might realize you don't have a deviled egg carrier to transport them in. Just grab a sheet of that leftover rubbery shelf liner you just happen to have in a drawer and slap it down onto a plate..cut it round if you must. Eggs won't wobble. Want to cover with plastic wrap but don't want to mess up the tops? No problem. Just strategically stick some toothpicks [you didn't use for those whore derves]..about 4, into a few of those eggs and then cover with plastic wrap. It's like mini-tent poles! Sorry about that tree.

6. Have you ever burnt the bottom of cookies..or anything else for that matter? No problem. Use one of those microplanes to "grate off the burn". No one will be the wiser...unless you wince while doing it.

7. Having a party and don't know where to put all that soda and beer you'll need chilled? No space? Fill your washing machine with ice (or throw some clean towels in the bottom and only fill it half full). Put your beverages there..out of site if you like, or as great "ice breaker" for a fun party. "Where's the beer?" In the washing machine, of course! The ice will melt, then drain the washer, spin, and it is all cleaned up! Caution: Don't forget to unload any bottles first and if you have front-loaders, don't use the dryer by mistake.

Well, that's about it for this evening. Happy fricking cooking already.