Friday, November 02, 2012

The First Step...I Am Powerless

I've spent the last year..maybe two coming to terms with my condition.  I couldn't stand to look in the mirror for fear of my own reflection.  The truth was there before me. Who is this person??  I was in denial, big time.

I had long been afraid that other people would notice...did I falter in my speech or gait?  Would they notice that I couldn't recall what I did yesterday?  Or last week?  Would they notice that my behavior was a bit confusing?  Could they smell it on my breath...or in my house..or on my clothes?

I was afraid of what I might get in the mail...and was afraid to answer the phone.  I knew it might be someone who knew what I was up against.

I've talked to other people..on the down low, who felt the same way but were also unwilling to admit it.  Fear of rejection, judgement, and of just being ignored..or the worst, of being alone.

I've tried to cover up my mistakes, clumsiness, and social awkwardness with excuses, justifications, etc.  I was afraid someone would actually ask me about it.

So, I've heard it is best to just be public about it.  Be brave and just spit it out.  Tell the truth.

My name is Melody.. I am a senior citizen, and I belong to AARP.